Sunday, February 03, 2013

Epiphany yet to come

Have you every come across a stage when you have thought ,"God what am I doing?" or "What should I do ?"  .I am sure many have. I am at that stage right now. When I was young ,I knew that I need to study hard if I have to do something in life.Yes that was the primary goal. And with the education I automatically acquired other  basic skills (respecting another human being,being polite to others etc) .But primary aim was still to become some entity in life (to get a job ,earn money).I was able to reach the goal to a maximum extent. And then something happened. My child was born.Life took a 180 degree turn.My mind and heart told me only one thing ."Be there for your child" ,"Make sure you are with him while he learns to crawl,walk ,run,giggle " .And I listened to my heart.I became a stay-at-home ,no sorry..I became a MOM in total(home or no home don't matter I guess). And the journey has been nothing less than fruitful. The initial hurdles were tough(mentally   and physically owing to surge hormones !!) but  once your child grows into a boy who is asking questions ,answering questions,talking sense, being naughty in a cute way ,giving you back the love which was one way few months back ,you know that what you did for him is actually worth it.

Now your child has graduated to school.He has expanded his horizon.He has more people to interact with .He has realized that world is not just you. It has friends,teachers ,security uncles,driver uncles ,vegetable vendors, ayahs :). Then comes the free time! You think ok I have to something now.But the question is what. In the  4 years of my home time I have realized one thing that I do not want to go back to my old job.I have realized that I am more attracted towards literature and writing.But what field do I choose to fulfill it?  Sometimes my heart tells me to turn into a philanthropist  because the world is not as cozy as it looks.There are people who are still struggling to make ends meet. Sometimes my heart tells me to become a teacher ,a noble profession indeed.Sometimes to write stories . Sometimes to  make jewelry which I have taken up as a hobby. I am still confused.I know I need to do something  ,but what? Something which satisfies me and yet doesn't make me feel tied. I am still waiting for that revelation to come to me. My epiphany is yet to come. Till then I will wait. :)

Wish me luck.

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